How to Anchor Your Homeschool in Changing Times

Pam: Are you ready for homeschooling to feel joyful again?

Do you long for support as you learn alongside your kids?

Welcome to Homeschool Better Together,

a podcast about building a homeschool experience that works for your family.

I’m Pam Barnhill and it’s time to step out of the overwhelm and in to the wonder.

Let’s do this.

I am here today with my very special guest, Melaney Smith. Melaney is a pastor’s wife. She’s a homeschooling mom of three. She’s an amateur bird watcher and a self proclaimed podcast junkie.

Now, her family recently made a big move to the wild and beautiful northern prairie of North Dakota where they have found a great co op and enjoy exploring local nature reserves.

But that’s only when everything isn’t frozen.

Through it all, Melaney delights in how the Lord has provided for her family every step of the way. Melaney, welcome to the podcast.

Melaney: Hi. Thanks. I’m happy to be here and help encouraging. Encourage moms in moving.

Pam: Yeah,

yeah. It is a big thing when you have to move. So did you move in the middle of your homeschool year or was it kind of in the summer or how did that happen?

Melaney: It was a blessing because it was in the summer. So we happened to move this summer. We came out here to candidate in the spring and we really transitioned from in Stockton, California to here.

Nice and slowly. It wasn’t like a quick move.

So my husband and I are both pretty organized and we’re planners. So it was nice. We had time to. We packed slowly and methodically. We had made our plans. We were able to sell our house.

Pam: Oh, that’s awesome.

Melaney: Find a place to rent here. And it was. So that was a blessing.

Pam: So you move for the ministry. You move because your husband is a pastor and he got a placement there in North Dakota, I’m assuming.

Melaney: Yeah. Well, and that’s what’s funny is we actually he was a young adult pastor our last church and he was looking for the next step in ministry and there was an executive pastor role here in Minot and he was looking all over the US So something.

We get questions a lot or I get asked a lot because we’re. I say, oh, I moved from California to here. And everyone asks, oh, are you in the military?

Because we’re by the air force base up here.

Pam: Oh, yeah.

Melaney: And I’m always like, no, I. My husband’s a pastor. We very much chose Minot, North Dakota.

So we were that those people. So we’re like, yeah, let’s go up to the wild north and. But at first, though, when my husband said Minot, North Dakota, I looked at him and I was like,

so is Minot South,

South, North Dakota?

He’s like, no, it’s that actually the top. We’re not too far from Canada.

And I was like, oh, wow.

Pam: Okay. So here’s a question for you. If you had actually made the move in the winter, would you have stayed?

Melaney: Okay, well, that’s the funny thing. If we happened to move the same year, we probably would have because the year we moved here was one of the most mild winters and years.

Pam: Oh, wow.

Melaney: Everyone said they’re like,

you brought the California heat with you. It seemed like the winter was so mild.

But to be honest, yes, because we decided that where we moved,

we didn’t move for the weather. We moved for the people. We moved for the church.

And we also believed God was calling us here, and it was a good move for our family and we trusted God in that. He really just set it up and it was quite amazing to see and then.

But yeah, we. We really treated it like an adventure for our family and as parents set the emotional tone for. Especially with young kids.

I think that really helped.

Pam: We.

Melaney: We grieved and we were sad we were leaving all of our family. Brennan and I grew up in Stockton, so we left all of our family. Longtime friendships. That was hard.

And so.

But we and our children, we. We let them say, if you were sad, if you’re want to cry, do it. It’s good and it’s normal. And. But we’re also going to trust God and we’re going to go on this adventure.

And we drove here and so we actually got to go through Nevada.

Up through. I think we touched up in a little. In. No, we went through. Up through Wyoming. So we went through Yellowstone.

Pam: Oh, fun.

Melaney: And so we got to stop there. And it was in the summer, so the weather was beautiful and everything is green and lush up here in the summer.

A lot of people say it’s worth it to go through the winter for the summers here. It’s quite.

Pam: I love it. I love it so much. And so you were telling me earlier, your oldest is eight years old. Nine years old.

Melaney: He’s turning nine in April, so I just call him nine.

Pam: Okay.

Melaney: I jump ahead.

Pam: Yeah, yeah. So that. Yeah, that’s like a month from now. And when you listen to this, it’ll be a couple months prior,

but yeah. So pretty young and that. I think that that does somewhat make moving a little bit easier, though. You Said you were leaving family behind, so that’s always tough.

Melaney: It was. That was hard. But. But you’re right. They adjusted so well. And everything that’s new is so exciting when you’re young and. And that helped us. That. And it’s still exciting.

I mean, I still look out and see snow, and I’m tired of it now. Cause I’ve seen nothing but white and gray for months and months, and I want color, but I still look out, and I’m like, wow.

You know, snow. I never thought.

Pam: I tell you what, it snowed here earlier this year, and I was. By the time it melted, I was really tired of it. I was like, okay. Ready for it to be gone.

Melaney: So. Yeah, it would be rough for you up here then. It’s a lot of. And it’s more. It’s more the cold temperatures than lots of snow.

Pam: Yeah. Yeah. That would be tough. That would be tough. Okay, so how.

Let’s talk about homeschooling. Specifically, how has the move impacted your homeschooling? Like, practically.

You talked a little bit about the emotional impact, but practically, how’s it. How has it impacted your homeschool?

Melaney: Well, when we moved here,

I made a point to connect with other homeschool families. The church we go to actually has a good number of homeschool families, so I was so thankful to connect with that, to connect with them.

Also,

because we moved here late summer, I actually had a little less time in planning, and so that’s actually when I got autopilot, and that was a huge help.

And we actually had good friends of ours who were living in Spokane, Washington.

Pam: Oh, fun.

Melaney: They moved here the same time as we did. It was interesting. They were looking to move, too,

and isn’t that rare and amazing? So when we moved, and that is.

We had good friends already established, and it was her first year homeschooling. She was just starting,

and her personality is different than me. She’s very creative and independent,

but planning’s not her favorite thing.

And so I got it for her, too,

and it was wonderful. So we both got to do together, and I. I love planning. So planning is like. It’s actually a highlight of my summer. My husband thinks there’s something wrong with me.

I’m like, I get to start planning,

and I have reminders.

Pam: Perfect. It’s so perfect. Like. And then you mess it up by actually having to do the stuff. But the plan itself is wonderful.

Melaney: I’m not. I’m that homeschool type. I’m the homeschool type that I Love to plan. I want to dream. I want to make my. My charts and my plans.

But, yeah, being consistent is the thing.

So. Yeah, so that was wonderful for both of us. We both kind of started our homeschool years kind of the same, so we had. I had a. What is it?

A soldier in arms or whatever.

Pam: Yeah, you had a buddy. You had a homeschool buddy. And how great that y’ all.

You worked on autopilot together. And hopefully it’s working out as well for her. Not the huge planner. You know, I love planning, so, you.

Melaney: Know what’s funny is, is she has it, so she’s full control of her year. But I. I definitely was like, hey, do you want me to, like, set up your binder for you?

And, you know, you do it, but I’ll set your binder. Cause that’s the thing that she doesn’t like. She’s like, I don’t want to have to actually, like,

do the stuff. It’s just not fun for her.

She’s very good at implementing it, though. And she also, you know, she’s very creative and independent, like I said. So she’ll switch things up on the fly, but. But I’ll make her binder and make it pretty for her, and that’s just my joy.

Pam: I love that. That you inspire each other in your, you know, with your own personalities. And you’re right. How cool was that that you had good friends who were also moving to the very same place?

And so it’s kind of like you get there and you know somebody.

Melaney: That was so true. And, yeah, I have to say that’s a rare blessing, so I’m thankful.

Pam: So how long did it take for you to, like, finally feel settled in and find your rhythm again with homeschooling in a new place?

Melaney: Okay. Yeah,

that.

So finding my rhythm again when we got here,

because it was so established the way we did it in Stockton, because I started homeschooling when my son was 3, so preschool, so I’ve been homeschooling a little, but very.

Of course, it’s the fun stuff.

But we did have a set rhythm, like we did our morning time, and then we would do skill subjects for a little bit after a little break.

And so we. I just continued that here.

In fact, that’s something I’d say that’s so beneficial for people moving is homeschooling,

because that is, like, an anchor that kind of. That stays with you. Everywhere you move is your homeschool culture and your homeschool atmosphere and that rhythms that you set. And for us that was a comforting thing that we had in moving.

So when we got here and we started the homeschool year,

we kind of got to gently fall into our, our same rhythms again. And we did our poetry and we had that special time together with Bible verses and reading stories and learning and that,

that helped a lot and gave us a comfort in moving. I say homeschooling is, I think a benefit, is a. What is it? A help in moving.

Pam: Yeah,

yeah. And that makes, that totally makes sense. You’re in this place where everything is new,

but these same rhythms and things that we did before, we can do them over here. And so it actually can be a boon to, to making a move.

Melaney: That’s a good. Yeah, exactly. Yeah.

Pam: So looking back at you making that move, that relocation,

like if somebody else has this coming up on the horizon for themselves and they’re about to have to do this,

what do you wish you had known? Like what do you wish you had thought about that you maybe didn’t think about before you made the move?

Melaney: Yeah, that’s a good question.

I would definitely say that I wish I had known about NVD’s minimum viable days. I actually didn’t hear about that till later.

I mean I had autopilot and I’ve been a part of the community which has been so wonderful. That’s another thing that helped was I still had the same ladies in our homeschooled like with like minded other women that I could bounce ideas and say, hey, I’m moving to North Dakota.

Is anyone up here? And if not, you know what could.

Pam: But was there somebody in the community in North Dakota?

Melaney: I haven’t found anyone. Well, but my friend is in the community because I got her auto part pilot, so.

Pam: Right, right.

Melaney: I got one and I think there I saw another lady or woman in the community that’s in South Dakota.

Pam: Okay.

Melaney: Not far.

Pam: Okay.

Melaney: But anyway, I wish I’d known about minimal viable days because I’m a perfectionist and my expectations for myself and my children can be very pretentious and not realistic.

And so. And mvds helped. Minimum viable days helped because it combined the grace and consistency of. The grace of. Well, normal life isn’t the same every day. You can’t always achieve each lesson and every subject every day.

And these life is, is tough.

And so there’s the grace of that, but the consistency that even if we’re having a bad day, let’s just do these few things right. And.

But I didn’t know that then. So. So when we moved. I think I put a lot of pressure on myself,

and I wanted to rush the settling. Do you know what I mean? Like, I wanted. I’m an. I’m a root girl. I was in California my whole life.

I loved being. I. In fact, we bought a house in the same neighborhood as I grew up.

So I love to. To be where I feel known, and I feel like I know others and know my community,

and I like to feel connected.

So I wanted to rush it here. In fact, we’ve been here two years, but I still have a lot of times that I still don’t quite feel like it’s home yet.

And so having the serenity and patience is something I’m really working on, and that is, I think, is important in moving,

is to,

you know, accept that it might take just a little while for it to feel like home and set those roots down.

But, yeah, I do wish I knew about Minimum viable days then.

Pam: Yeah. And so that’s in our Consistency bootcamp. Yeah. But we. We did recently record a podcast about that. So we’ll link to that podcast for anybody who needs to. To know about a Minimum viable Day.

I was watching maybe it was like a YouTube video or something. The other day, they were talking about living in a house and, like, how long does it take you to feel like when you move to a new house?

And I would assume the same is. You know, it’s the same for a new town.

Melaney: Right?

Pam: Like, it takes, like, three to five years before.

Melaney: Yeah, that’s what I was told. I think that’s the magic number. In fact, we have a lot of military families here and at our church,

and I asked them, I was like, so you move a lot? Because that’s hard. Like, so we’ve made this one big move.

But there are families who move often because they might have, you know, a spouse or they work and have to move.

And they said it. It is. They said three to five years.

And so I am waiting,

and I said, I think it’ll just snap. One day I’m gonna wake up and I’m gonna be like, this is home.

Pam: I think you will. I really do. You know, and you have a great attitude about it. Like, you know. You know, you’re all smiles, but it’s hard, but you’re all smiles.

Melaney: I bear it with a smile.

Pam: Okay, so let’s talk a little bit more about Autopilot. What made you decide to give Autopilot a try?

Melaney: Uh, my son was going into second grade when we moved here. He was.

Yeah, he was Seven.

He was going to second grade and so I was using more like different curriculums. I was switching him up for math.

There were a few other subjects I wanted to include more consistently.

And you know, I still had a toddler and you know, my five year old.

And so I thought, okay, I’m going to be juggling more and I think it’s going to start feeling a little bit more complicated. But I, so I listened, I’ve listened to your podcast for a long time.

So I saw Autopilot and I was like, okay, what’s this about? And so when I started hearing you explain how it’s so good at individualized planning and,

and I really liked how the modules, you really,

you know, kind of handhold us through the whole, each step.

And I thought that’s what I need because I would try to on my own find a plan or I don’t know. Right. I don’t know what I did before actually.

I’m like,

like what did I do? How did I keep it together? I don’t know.

But I think I must have tried to, to think in my head,

you know, so if we do history this many times a week, how much would I do science or, or I don’t know. But it was tough. And so I, I thought autopilot was fantastic.

Not to mention, I think a big selling point was for me,

a big selling point for me was that it was just a one time get autopilot one time. And every year,

not only do I get to just reuse it as my own every year,

but you add really cool things on each year. What do you call?

Pam: Yeah, we have bonuses.

Melaney: Bonuses, Yeah. I was like, you do something and I just thought, oh, how that’s sounds like a great idea. Cause I knew I was going to use it and I love planning, so I knew every summer I was going to do it.

And I have noticed that after the first year or two of using it, it. The planning process goes faster and more smoothly.

Pam: Yeah. Yeah. Actually that’s funny because I think I, I think you’re like my third kind of like homeschool mom in life interview here. And like every single person has said that like the first year it took me a little while, but like since then it goes so much faster and.

Melaney: But I loved it taking a long time. So.

Pam: Yeah. Yeah. Well, you can’t. Well, and that’s the rightful thing is you can.

You know, we teach you that there are multiple ways, like you can use an open and go curriculum. And it’s just as easy as Sticking a sticky note in there.

Or you can make yourself a procedure list, you know, and that’s kind of the middle ground. Or you can make yourself a lesson plan list. And that’s where you can do, like your birding class where you start from scratch, you know?

Melaney: Yes. And I. Yeah, I parked on that module for a long time. I kept having to rewatch lesson plans. I’m like, I don’t know why, I don’t get it, but I was like, but so I do procedures mostly and because that’s where we are right now, and then open and go.

But I’m going to probably get into more into lesson plans this next year.

Pam: Well, if you get stuck, just let us know and we will.

Melaney: Well, and that’s what’s great. Yes, that’s what’s great. I love the community. Those gals are the best.

Pam: Yeah, they really, really are. And I can say that because, like,

it’s a lot of other people in there. It’s not just me.

So for sure.

What do you think is, like your favorite tool or feature in auto? What do you find yourself going back.

Melaney: To as an idealizer and dreamer?

I love the course of study, actually,

because that’s where I get to list out what I want each of my children to be learning that year.

But I like it because I think it stops at six box,

which is good because I would keep going and I’ve done it. My husband will look at these plans. He’s like,

what are you? When will our children be children?

And so I like it because I get to dream, but it also keeps it reasonable.

And because I. I like to dream so much. Consistency can be a problem for me. It’s the actual doing it,

which can be a little drudgery sometimes. And it’s not, as, you know, dreamy.

But the periodic review then, is my other favorite thing because of that, because that keeps me accountable. In fact, I’ve laminated the periodic review and so we do six week terms.

So at the end I just get a dry erase and I go through and I get to revisit the vision and my goals, see where we’re at, and know if I need to kick it up a little bit.

Especially with Latin. I think Latin, for some reason, is my bugaboo.

Pam: I can’t imagine why.

Melaney: I don’t know why. Yeah, so I just start now. I just put words on cards all over the house. I’m like, at least you’re seeing it. Because I always keep forgetting to put on the lesson.

So.

Pam: I love it. I love It, I like the periodic review. I really do as well.

Melaney: So it helps you keep the main thing. The main thing, because you’re revisiting that vision. I think that’s huge.

Pam: So do you think it was a good thing for you to like, you started, you moved and then you, you started autopilot and it was, I have a feeling it was probably like, well,

like my life is chaos right now. So let me find something that’s going to like really make the planning part easy because it sounds like you weren’t scared of planning.

It was something you actually enjoyed. But you’re like, oh, I need something to streamline it right now.

Melaney: That’s right.

Pam: How do you think it can help people who are moving?

Melaney: Yeah, for sure.

So I think if, if you are in flux and you’re, there’s, there’s a lot of chaos and planning is daunting, I could, I would say having your vision and goals set, what’s the most important thing to you in your homeschool?

And, and I know the minimum viable day thing, that’s part of the consistency boot campus stuff. But I, I think that’s so valuable combined with that vision and goal. So I would say make your vision, write it out.

Maybe the goal’s two. If you want, put it somewhere that you will see where you usually do your homeschooling.

And if it’s too chaotic and you feel like doing the full stuff is just too much right now, which is understandable.

I would say pick three things from that. Are you thought that reflect your vision the most and reflect what you want your children to get from your homeschool the most and stick with that.

And I think like the Bible says, like faithful in little, faithful in much. And you’ll see that you’re faithful in this little. And you’ll see the Lord multiply your efforts.

And I think we can trust God to honor that heart that we have that we wanna homeschool well.

And he will come up and I think he multiplies those efforts like the fish and loaves.

Pam: Yeah.

Melaney: And I’ve seen it. So just a little bit suddenly you hear your kids later on talking about the read aloud you guys did or maybe writing a story, like drawing a picture about it or you know, being inspired by something that you decide to share even though you’re feeling a little frazzled.

Pam: I love it. I love it so much. Yeah, I love focusing on the goals and the vision.

It just,

it grounds me into exactly what it is we want to do when in our home school, like because the bright shiny is out there and I do get distracted by it.

Melaney: Me too. In fact, I’m off social media for I fast for a third of the year and it’s my third right now and so I haven’t been seeing it. But you’re right and.

But an autopilot’s great for that too is it really helps squash the comparison because you have these planning that you are doing with your own homeschool in mind, your own children in mind, your own circumstances and family in mind.

And I think it’s very. It helps you to fall in love with your own personal homeschool and you don’t feel the need to,

to compare to another.

Pam: Oh yeah, I love that.

Okay, so now you’re in North Dakota. You’ve been here for a couple of years and you said you had a really great co op. So how did you settle into.

Okay, I said there’s a T shirt Prairie Christian homeschoolers. So how did you settle into that? So it says established 2013. So it, it predated you.

Melaney: It did predate me. I’ve been in it a couple years.

I was a part of a co op in Stockton and I, I loved it. I got to have other friends and dear women who were also homeschoolers and like minded and so here they actually meet at our church and my, my husband actually helped us get moved to our church.

I think the, the co op used to meet at another church in town and so they moved to our church and so I started going and the first a year I only go one semester of the year, the last two years because fall is so busy.

The kids are like in soccer and Awana is just starting up and,

and the, the weather’s still nice out for most of fall so I like to like alleviate our schedule more. But in winter I start going stir crazy and I need to get out of the house and so I like to increase kind of like what we do.

So co op is in winter and that is so.

Pam: I have never, first of all, I’ve never thought of doing co op like that and I’ve never heard of anybody else. So there’s got to be other people out there. You guys.

Melaney: The half seas.

Pam: Yeah, the half. See, that is so like I’ve, I’ve never, all these years I’ve never considered that. But you make it work for you. That’s really cool.

Melaney: Well, and that’s one thing that I think this weather here, moving North Dakota kind of forced us to do when you have such a long Cold winter,

everyone goes inside, you know, you. No one’s out, really. And so it forces you to kind of do more seat work, do more of the academic stuff,

while, you know, spring, summer, and fall,

what. What we have of it here,

you want to make the most of it. So we do a lot more feet work during that time.

Pam: I love it. Yeah. And we’re kind of the opposite here. When the kids were little, we would start school, like, right after July 4th.

Melaney: Yeah.

Pam: Because it was so hot. Yes.

Melaney: Well, California was the same way. In fact, winter was when I did all the bird watching and took the kids out to the nature reserves.

Pam: Yeah. Yeah. So you just. You have to work with. And that’s the. The beauty of the freedom and flexibility of homeschooling and.

Melaney: Yeah. And autopilot. You just. You put it into your calendar and you assume, I’m going to be busier here with this kind of work, and we’re going to be busier out of the house with this.

Pam: I love it.

So what encouragement would you offer moms who kind of feel like life has pulled the rug out from under them, but they still want to homeschool? Well, maybe because of a move or maybe because of something else.

Melaney: Yes. Okay. So I happen to be an extrovert, and I’m a verbal processor, so that means I. I’m. It’s natural for me to reach out and find someone to. Who can relate, who I can, you know, bear my soul to and get encouragement.

But if you are not,

and I have a friend who is not,

I would say I would encourage you to find at least one or two people, baby, in person, who you. Who you trust, who you can reach out to,

share what you’re going through. But also, I think,

especially for people who are familiar with your podcast and community,

reach out in the community. Like,

I. I think knowing that you are not alone is huge.

And I have found so much encouragement on the community myself,

and I know, me included, we are just so happy on the community to pray for you, to encourage you.

Most of the wonderful resources or ideas I found for homeschooling have been from the community.

Yeah, it’s been wonderful. So I would say that.

And definitely,

I would say rest in the peace and the knowledge that,

you know,

God is.

Sees you wanting to homeschool well, and he honors that, and he will bless your efforts, however meager, however imperfect.

Pam: Yeah. Just showing up and being faithful.

Melaney: Yeah.

Pam: Yeah.

Melaney: It goes a long way. God uses that. He just needs us to be willing.

Pam: Yeah. Yeah. Just needs us to be willing. Not to be perfect,

you know,

not. Not to have everything perfectly planned out or anything like that, but just to be, be show up and be willing.

And for some of us that looks like making a plan.

Melaney: Yes, that’s the fun part for me.

Pam: Yeah, exactly, exactly. We get joy from that. So don’t hate us. What was your biggest culture shock for moving from California to North Dakota?

Melaney: Yeah, my biggest culture shock was the. Because I think it is because of the weather.

It was. It’s interesting coming here.

Things actually slow down in summer here in the strange way because people go out of town, they’re like cool, we can leave town. It’s not. Ice is on the roads and so they head out.

And then in winter, I mean people are in town but you know, they tend to stay in. And so it.

I think it’s just I’ve had to be more intentional with connecting and community with people.

Pam: And is it like slower and quieter all the time? Because in summer people are gone and then in winter everybody’s at home.

Melaney: It’s. I think so that’s something to love though personally I think that’s a pro. That’s probably a good thing.

Like. So for instance, I have my next. So. So I’m from Stockton, California. So we. It’s a rough. It could be a rough city.

And our. I was on Nextdoor app. It’s like a community app so you can connect with your neighbors and stuff. There was always something happening going on. Like in Stockton.

My husband still gets the alerts for it and I’m like, what’s going on?

Because here it’s like someone lost their cat and look at a deer is in my yard.

And I think that’s great. I mean my. And I love that my. My kids. One of the biggest things when we moved here, the first person we met in our neighborhood was a little 7 year old girl down the street.

The first thing I asked her was where are your parents?

And she’s like they’re at home or my mom’s at work. I think her mom wasn’t even home and her dad was. Was on the. At his desk or something. And I was like oh.

And then our realtor was like yeah, no, you’re in North Dakota. The kids just roam and they feel a lot safer here. And so that’s been something that’s been nice.

I.

I’m not quite as helicopterish as I was in.

Pam: Right.

Melaney: Yeah. Right. Well.

Pam: And you don’t still watch though.

Melaney: But I’m not as.

Pam: Yeah, but you don’t feel the need to be quite that way because it feels just a little slower and a little more spread out and a little safer.

Melaney: Oh, and I miss the Mexican food in California, though.

Pam: Oh, I can imagine there’s not a huge Mexican food cuisine in North Dakota.

Melaney: I have a palate. I know what it’s like, and I like spicy. My husband’s growing really hot, spicy peppers because we just love spice.

And here, in fact, someone gave me salsa when I asked for hot sauce, and I was like, no, I need the stuff that a few drops sets my mouth on fire.

This is salsa. This is for big dipping.

They like. They’re good, though. Good casseroles are up here. Hot dish. It’s hot dish country.

Pam: I love it. I love it so much. Okay. That is so much fun. Well, Melannie, thank you for coming on today. Thank you so much for just sharing your heart with other homeschool moms, people who may be contemplating a move that’s going to take them to places where there’s no good hot sauce and they have to homeschool through it.

So I really do appreciate it. Thank you.

Melaney: Yes. Thank you, Pam. I’m happy to help encourage moms.

Pam: That’s our show for today.

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