Got Cold Feet About Homeschooling? You’re Not Alone!

Pam Barnhill [00:00:01]:
Are you ready for homeschooling to feel joyful again? Do you long for support as you learn alongside your kids? Welcome to Homeschool Better Together, a podcast about building a homeschool experience that works for your family. I’m Pam Barnhill, and it’s time to step out of the overwhelm and into the wonder. Let’s do this. Hey there. Today, I am with Mandi McArthur and Jessica Solis Carpinelli, and they are the creators of the Co op Homeschool. Mandi has a background in psychology, education, and business, and she has over a decade of homeschooling experience, blending wisdom, inspiration, and a lot of practical tips for parents. Now her partner, Jessica, is a homeschooler and a professional dance educator, so cool, with twenty plus years of experience. And she knows firsthand the ins and outs of homeschooling as both a student and a parent.

Pam Barnhill [00:01:07]:
So, Jessica, you were homeschooled yourself. Yes?

Jessica Solis Carpinelli [00:01:10]:
I was, starting in seventh grade.

Pam Barnhill [00:01:12]:
Oh, that’s so cool. Well, together, they cofounded their friendship based homeschool co op in San Diego, and they wrote together the book Hesitant to Homeschool Answers to 20 Common Questions. And they’re here to share a little bit with us about if you are hesitant to homeschool, how you can step out and do that and feel confident and successful about it and how you can get help and resources for doing that. So ladies, welcome to the podcast.

Mandi McArthur [00:01:41]:
Thank you. It’s great to be here.

Jessica Solis Carpinelli [00:01:42]:
Yes. Thank you.

Pam Barnhill [00:01:44]:
So awesome to have you. What inspired you to write the book Hesitant to Homeschool, and how does your own personal homeschool journey kind of inform the book’s content?

Jessica Solis Carpinelli [00:01:56]:
That’s a really great question. We’re gonna tackle this in two parts. So I think that, first, we tended to get a lot of questions. Being a dance teacher, I worked with a ton of parents and young children, and we’d start talking about our lives because they knew that I had children. And, inevitably, it would come up that I was homeschooling, and they would start with a shocked reaction. Like, I can’t believe you’re doing that. That’s so amazing. And then they would express their own feelings of inadequacy.

Jessica Solis Carpinelli [00:02:27]:
Like, they couldn’t imagine themselves doing it. Oh, that’s you’d have to have a lot of patience to do that, or I don’t know how you could manage that. And I’d spend my time trying to find ways to encourage them and try to tell them, I think you could. I think it’s easier than you might think it is. It is challenging, but being a parent is challenging. Homegoing isn’t really any different. And so, you know, being able to to work with Mandi and find a resource for people to go to instead of us having a thousand individual conversations was really something we felt excited to do.

Pam Barnhill [00:03:02]:
I love it.

Mandi McArthur [00:03:03]:
And, also, when COVID hit in 2020, it was all these parents now are homeschooling that weren’t planning ever on homeschooling. And so they were getting a lot of answers that weren’t effective, I would say, on the Facebook groups and things like that. And so we were like, let’s answer them with data and research, but simply and easily and in fun ways. So we thought the book would serve that purpose for them.

Pam Barnhill [00:03:29]:
I love that. I love the idea of just having one cohesive resource that you could recommend or hand to a friend and say, this is going to answer so many of your questions, and then, you know, have a look at it and then come back and talk to me without me having to come up with everything from scratch. Because Yeah. That can be a little hard. Somebody’s like, oh, tell me how to homeschool. And I’m like, how many years do you have?

Jessica Solis Carpinelli [00:03:56]:
Exactly. Or you walk away from that conversation, you know, wishing you had said something that you forgot.

Pam Barnhill [00:04:02]:
Exactly. Exactly. And because you guys have taken the time to think about it and write them all out and address everything, I love it. But of those 20 common concerns that you address in your book, which one do you think prospective homeschoolers struggle with the most?

Jessica Solis Carpinelli [00:04:18]:
My instinct with that is always the weird homeschooled kid. It’s a stigma that’s been following homeschoolers around for ages, and it was big in the nineties. And I’m shocked that it’s still a thing that exists today, but I just read somebody who expressed on Facebook that their husband doesn’t want their kids to be weird. So it still exists out there, and I think it really comes connected with the socialization concern that people have. And I think, to me, when you really get down to the root of it, it really just is one of those gut feelings about wanting to make sure that we’re doing the best things for our kids and setting them up well for success. And for some reason, the socialization factor is just a little, you know, thing that bugs parents. And so that was a big one that we really wanted to tackle well in the book and try to find good ways of talking about it because what we don’t think people mean is that your child will be unsocialized. That’s a different an antisocial person is not really what fits here and not likely to happen.

Jessica Solis Carpinelli [00:05:26]:
So is it really that they’re just afraid that their kid will be a little bit weird? Because our answer is kinda two usual things. What’s wrong with being a little weird? Right. And there’s a lot of weird people out there, and they were not all homeschooled.

Pam Barnhill [00:05:42]:
Yeah. Having been a public school teacher, I can tell you homeschoolers do not have a monopoly on weird.

Jessica Solis Carpinelli [00:05:50]:
Absolutely not. We were

Mandi McArthur [00:05:52]:
sitting in a coffee shop actually talking about this chapter, and I was learning a lot from Jessica because she was like, wait. Are you asking if they’re gonna have friends? Are you asking are they just not being able to conform to society? Like, what do you think socialization is? And she really taught me a lot about that. And right when we’re sitting in the coffee shop, we look out the window, and she said, look. There’s a lady interestingly dressed walking down the street with a bird on her head, and she’s talking to herself. Was she is she someone that you would say, oh, she must have been homeschooled? No. People decide not to conform to society in all different ways no matter their school choice, and the stigma is still something we hear constantly.

Pam Barnhill [00:06:36]:
Yeah. Yeah. I think part of the other argument too is, like, will they learn how to, you know, handle bullies? Will they learn how to handle peer pressure? Will they learn how to handle those kinds of situations if they never have to handle them? And what would you say to a parent who kind of has that feeling?

Jessica Solis Carpinelli [00:06:55]:
I think that that’s a really good one. And I think because socialization happens with within the family and the group that the family chooses to interact with, I think there’s a lot of strength that children can build and work up to when they’re ready to be maybe outside of their family’s social group. And I think that foundation is really something that goes overlooked. I think parents who’ve not ever done this before don’t realize the bond and the the strength that we can build in these kids for the resiliency and the ability to to to say no to peer pressures. But, also, I think they do practice it. I think there’s always peer pressure. I’ve in in our small little co op, we’ve had to talk about it. You know? Just was that a good decision to go run across the park without telling you where you were going? You know? And they were caught up in the moment.

Jessica Solis Carpinelli [00:07:43]:
And so we do have those opportunities. They’re just smaller and different and less detrimental to their, mental well-being, I think. And so we get to practice.

Mandi McArthur [00:07:54]:
And they’re out in the world. So they’re we’re taking them places. They’re learning how to stand in line at an amusement park or at a museum. They’re learning these other ways to navigate the world and crowds and this this strange kid that takes your toy at the playground, we’re not just sitting at our table all day long. We’re interacting with society. And so we naturally will encounter bullies and people cutting in line and and shoving. And if we’re in a church or in a sport, any one of those places, it can happen as well.

Pam Barnhill [00:08:30]:
Yeah. My daughter, you know, definitely met her share of bullies in some of the activities that she did, And the difference was she had a choice. And eventually, she decided, you know what? I just don’t like the culture of this class that I’m in. I’m going to stop attending this particular class. And we could have looked for a different class if we wanted to, but she just decided, and this activity is just not worth that to me. But she was able to make that choice, whereas in school, she would have been stuck in that situation and would not have had that choice. So, yeah, I she definitely got to experience that. And it just never ceases to, like, astound me that one of the number one things people are concerned about is how will they learn to stand in line.

Pam Barnhill [00:09:14]:
This is the end all be all of life that we’re gonna walk into the grocery store, and people are just gonna be milling about as opposed to standing in a straight line. And it’s like, they’re adults. Why can’t they figure this out? You know? Exactly. I love it. Okay. So what about I know that another thing that comes up a lot of times, other than the socialization aspect, is how am I, the parent, going to know enough? And this is one of the big arguments you see online is no one parent can be an expert in every subject and be able to teach their child. So how do parents overcome the fear of not knowing enough to effectively homeschool their children?

Jessica Solis Carpinelli [00:09:57]:
I think you said it. You know? We aren’t expected to be experts in everything, and I think it it becomes a mindset shift or a philosophy that a parent a homeschooling parent needs to adopt. We aren’t trying to teach our kids everything we know. We’re trying to teach our kids how to learn, and so that’s the job that we have is teaching our kids how to learn and giving them the resources to learn the things that are important, both the things that we choose as academics that are important to their future adult lives, whether it’s college or career, and, also, the things that they’re interested in. How can they learn? How can they grow? I find that to be what I think is the most critical part of being a homeschool parent. Not that I personally know these things, but that I can get the right resources to them and help them learn.

Mandi McArthur [00:10:49]:
One of the things we like to point out is when they became a parent, it’s not like they knew everything about being a parent, whether it was adoption or giving birth, all of that. And so they equip themselves as they need to. And so I love what you say at the beginning of your podcast. You say step out of the overwhelm and step into the wonder. And it is literally a step. It’s like, some sometimes we advise people, if you are doing this for the first time, what do you feel comfortable with? Oh, I feel comfortable reading to my kids. Okay. Then take that first step and go to a library and explore the books.

Mandi McArthur [00:11:27]:
Let the books do the knowing for you. Let the museum placards and brochures do the knowing for you. And over time, your confidence will build, and and then you can start equipping yourself as you need to.

Pam Barnhill [00:11:42]:
I love that. You know, it’s interesting. I hosted book club this week for just, like, a number of ladies from my church. We have a book club. It’s not a homeschool mom book club. We don’t read homeschool books or anything like that, but it was just a regular book club. Just ladies from a variety of backgrounds. We have some ladies who aren’t even moms, and we have, you know, some ladies we have a few of us who have homeschooled and a number of ladies who have sent their kids to private school or public school.

Pam Barnhill [00:12:06]:
And we were reading the book Wild Swans, which was about it’s three daughters of China or something like that is the subtitle. And it’s about this family, and the kids grew up during the

Jessica Solis Carpinelli [00:12:17]:
cultural revolution in China.

Pam Barnhill [00:12:17]:
And, like, for six or schools, or the schools were just, like, 100% indoctrination. They took all schools or the schools were just, like, 100% indoctrination. They took all the literature, all of these things. So for essentially, for six years, very formative years of these kids’ lives, they had nothing. They had no learning whatsoever. Wow. And then they all go on. She gets a doctorate in England, and she has a brother who’s, like, doing all these hard sciences in France.

Pam Barnhill [00:12:53]:
So all of these kids eventually move out to other countries, and they get advanced degrees, and they have these high paying jobs. And one of the ladies was like, I was just so astounded. How did those kids go six years without school, and they still ended up, like, so smart knowing all these things and having these high paying jobs. And I was just like, hello? We homeschoolers? We call that unschooling. Okay. And then one of the other ladies popped up. Well, their dad read to them, and I’m like, yeah. What do you think we’re doing over here? And it’s just, like, the the mindset, the perception is that you must be in a classroom in order to learn something, that there’s no self directed, self guided education that you can’t learn from just reading and having conversations and things like that.

Mandi McArthur [00:13:45]:
Yeah. We say in our book, your kids will learn even without you.

Pam Barnhill [00:13:49]:
In spite of you.

Mandi McArthur [00:13:51]:
Right. In spite of you. Exactly. And so sometimes you just have to provide opportunity for them and and get out of the way and let them read and explore. And I have to tell you this funny thing. My daughter is really into dinosaurs, and she’s 12, and she wants to work as a vet someday. And I don’t wanna teach dinosaurs. I don’t like dinosaurs.

Mandi McArthur [00:14:12]:
So I remember covering it when they were, like, you know, little and and making a paper mache dinosaur egg, and then we were done. And so she was like, I really wanna learn dinosaurs. So I bought a unit study about dinosaurs. I printed off the student workbook. I printed off the teacher workbook. I coil bound them, and I said, here you go. Read the teacher workbook and enjoy whatever you want from the student workbook. And she is an expert in dinosaurs now.

Mandi McArthur [00:14:38]:
She talks about parasolophiluses or I don’t even know. I can’t even say the word, but it’s amazing because she had an interest and she has time to pursue it all on her own. And I I love that about about homeschooling.

Pam Barnhill [00:14:53]:
Yeah. My kids learn they they are constantly coming up with stuff and talking about things. And I’m like, where did you learn that? Because it certainly wasn’t because I taught it to them. They’re learning all the time. Well, let’s piggyback on this particular question. What advice do you have for parents who are considering homeschooling that they worry, you know, how do I prepare my children for college?

Jessica Solis Carpinelli [00:15:12]:
Yeah. College is a big one. I think, overwhelmingly, the evidence supports that homeschooled kids go to college, and they do well in college. There’s a lot of supporting studies to show that. And so I think, really, it’s just a matter of of keeping your mind open to looking for what they need. Obviously, you can start thinking about it at any point, but as they get moving towards high school in those seventh and eighth grade years, it’s time to start thinking about what goals they might have so you can start to prepare what you are looking for. But homeschoolers have every ability to create their own transcripts. They don’t need to have a school of any kind do that.

Jessica Solis Carpinelli [00:15:54]:
We can do that for our kids, and feeling empowered to be able to be a good resource for our kids is is really helpful, I think. We can go straight to the colleges and ask the colleges what their requirements are for homeschoolers. I mean, it’s as easy as that in some ways, and then in other ways, you know, there’s a lot out there for us to to gather from.

Mandi McArthur [00:16:16]:
There’s, you know, companies set up. I was just talking with someone at our coop, and she was like, oh, you have to meet with this person at she’s a homeschool high school counselor, and it’s $50 for one hour. And she maps out all of the high school courses they need if they wanna go to a four year college and tells you, like, which years you should do which classes. And it takes a lot of the guesswork out of it, and I would say that would probably be helpful. But then, also, I had the greatest experience with my 14 year old. We took him to a Texas A and M football game. And he was like we he came away from that, and he was like, I wanna go to Texas A and M, or I wanna go to a college that has football. And that sparked this huge motivation for him because now he’s in algebra one, and he was like, okay.

Mandi McArthur [00:17:05]:
Well, what would Texas a and m what would what would they wanna see? Like like, what can can I get, like, b’s and c’s? Or and so, like, you need to build your best self. So be the person God has called you to be because the end goal is not college. The end goal is the rest of your life, you know, glorifying God with all your heart, soul, and mind. Right? So if you can be yourself self and work as hard as you can, I will do my job in making sure you have the opportunities? You do your best, and your application will show that. And, hopefully, you will be at a college that that fits you. But he’s like because he wants that college experience. And so sparking that motivation, we see a lot online on Facebook, homeschooling, middle school and high schoolers of parents having a really tough time with their homeschool high school kids because they’re not motivated. They just wanna be with their friends or on their phones.

Mandi McArthur [00:18:00]:
They don’t wanna do their work. But I think part of that could be sparking that motivation to be like, look at what’s ahead of you if you can be your best self.

Pam Barnhill [00:18:10]:
I love that, and that’s been my experience too. I had a a kid, my youngest, Thomas, went to a week long engineering camp at Middle Tennessee State last year, and it was like he came out like, I wanna go to Middle Tennessee State. He’s like, you realize this was a commercial for that school? And I’m like, yeah. It’s totally okay. I’m fine with that. Like because now it’s it’s given you some interest. It’s made you think, you know, what is it what is it might I be interested in doing? And and it’s let you see that there is a path to get there. And then in order to be able to follow that path, we have to back up and follow a particular path in order to get there.

Pam Barnhill [00:18:48]:
So is he motivated all day every day? No. Like, before I got on with you to do this podcast, we had a big fight over why he had to do grammar, but I won, by the way.

Jessica Solis Carpinelli [00:19:00]:
Well done. Yeah.

Pam Barnhill [00:19:02]:
But all I do is, like, threaten to take away the screens. But anyway, like, now he can see that path. And so there is there is some of that motivation there for my middle child. I simply took him to one of the local community colleges in our area. My husband and I are big advocates of community college. We both did that. We wouldn’t say no to somebody going straight to a four year, but we really like the savings that comes and just the ease and the small classes from those community colleges. We both did it.

Pam Barnhill [00:19:30]:
And just taking him in there to talk with a counselor and letting him see, like, what programs were available was a huge motivator. And then I will say my daughter, when she went into her program, she did a cosmetology program at the local community college. And she went in and it took her maybe four weeks to figure out how to study, what was expected of her, how to use all the different they have multiple platforms that they have to maintain with all of these classes. I’m like, I’m glad you’re figuring this out because I’m confused. And then she was fine, and she’s been fine ever since. In this semester, she’s taking all of her academic courses and doing well with it. And so they are adaptable once they have the motivation to do so.

Mandi McArthur [00:20:18]:
That’s great. That it’s always good to hear of successful college experiences for homeschoolers, and it’s just a good reminder. And so part of getting people’s stories can also help encourage parents as well, like hearing hearing your stories and hearing people who have actually been through the process and said, take the step. Right? You don’t need to be overwhelmed by this.

Pam Barnhill [00:20:42]:
And that’s one of the things you guys do in the book is you actually do share stories from homeschoolers who had those particular concerns and then how they saw on the other side that maybe it wasn’t quite as much of a concern after all.

Jessica Solis Carpinelli [00:20:56]:
Yeah. One of the stories in the college section was actually part of my journey, and I I shared that I was homeschooled for middle school and high school. And I met a bunch of homeschooled high schoolers at our community college, and we were all taking our high school courses at the community college together. And it was not only a fun social experience, but, really, it set us up so well for going into college. It saved us those first two years of college tuition. The counselors there were very prepared to get us into at least the state schools, and this was in California. So to get us into our California state schools, and then if we needed more advisement, they have that opportunity available at the community college level. And it there was just a lot less wasted time.

Jessica Solis Carpinelli [00:21:42]:
But what I love nowadays for homeschoolers is that they don’t have to go on campus. That was a little tricky for a fourteen year old especially a 14 year old girl being on a college campus. But now my daughter could take her college course and be in the the room, and I can kind of overhear what’s happening in her online course just for safety. And so I do love that it’s such an easy and readily available resource to to high school students.

Pam Barnhill [00:22:09]:
I love that so much. And yeah. So one thing I do wanna point out is not every state does cover dual enrollment. My state does not. Unfortunately, we have to pay. Yeah. So it just it does vary from state to state, but if you are thinking about homeschooling, you got older kids and you’re like, oh, wait. They can dual enroll? Homeschoolers can 100% dual enroll in almost every state, I think.

Pam Barnhill [00:22:29]:
But double check, and then you’ll have to see a lot of states will cover the cost. Florida, right next door to us, does cover the cost. Back in the day, they covered the cost of the courses, but not the books for homeschoolers. So, you you know, it just varies from state to state as to what people do. And that may have changed at this point.

Jessica Solis Carpinelli [00:22:47]:
Twenty years ago, the dual enrollment program was only the enrollment aspect. We didn’t actually get any of our tuition covered. So I forget that that’s a current part of the model now is that some states offer free classes to high schoolers. So we did pay for mine, which was interesting, but that was twenty years ago.

Pam Barnhill [00:23:06]:
Yeah. Yeah.

Jessica Solis Carpinelli [00:23:06]:
More than twenty.

Pam Barnhill [00:23:07]:
Things are changing. Things are changing so so much. I mean, actually, right now when we’re recording this in January, some things are changing day by day as to, like, what kind of tax credits and money and different things like that are available for people who are homeschooling. So so much change on the horizon. And it’s really funny you mentioned online classes, and I’m 100% in agree with agreement with you about the 14 year old and the online classes. The most interesting thing to me is my kids. So my daughter who is in school and then my son who is coming up both desperately want to be inside a classroom. And when they told me that, they both told me that at two separate times, I almost had this little feeling of, like, oh, did you, like, did you not like homeschooling? Did you not, like, would you have rather gone to school? And they’re like, no.

Pam Barnhill [00:23:57]:
No. No. No. No. We liked being homeschooled. But they do. Despite the fact that they would not change their homeschool experience, they really do want to go into the classroom and have that classroom experience. And, of course, with them being 18, 19, 20 years old, I feel like they’re just way more equipped for that kind of experience in a community college.

Pam Barnhill [00:24:19]:
It’s gonna be a way better experience than it would have been. Yeah. It it is really funny though because my daughter came home, but she’s like, there’s this kid in my English class, and he talks constantly. And I just kinda looked at her and said, do you think he was homeschooled? And she’s like, he probably was.

Mandi McArthur [00:24:39]:
I know, you know, a little bit of that classroom experience in their church catechism class. So they go to catechism, and they’re getting a little bit of that, the questions and answers and waiting for your turn to talk. And they have talked about, like, what it’s what is it really like? And I say, you’ve read Diary of a Wimpy Kid. You know what it’s like. You’ll see for sure when you get to college. Don’t worry about it. You’ll have that experience just like the rest of the world. So

Pam Barnhill [00:25:05]:
Yeah. And my kids had that too, church classes. And then let’s talk about coop a little bit. How can parents new to homeschooling build this supportive community? Because I was part of a co op for a very long time. I know you guys founded your own co op. I did the same. Where can parents find other homeschoolers? Because it’s so important.

Jessica Solis Carpinelli [00:25:24]:
One of the big things that Mandi and I learned was that you have to say yes to things. It’s easy to stay in your bubble, especially if you’re new to homeschooling, whether you’ve pulled your kids out of school or this is a world you’ve never been in before. You have to get outside of your own little bubble, and you have to be willing to say yes. Say yes to that park play date, to a local event. If there’s a homeschooling event or a mom homeschooling mom’s night, say yes to it. Go to it. You know, go to a convention or a conference. Those are super helpful and informative, and you find this amazing community.

Jessica Solis Carpinelli [00:25:59]:
Maybe not your best friend, but you find a community, and that’s a great place to start. And if you’re the outgoing one, find people and do the inviting yourself.

Mandi McArthur [00:26:09]:
Also, on top of that, with the yes scene, if you connect yourself to someone who has connections if you if you were to connect yourself to you, Jessica, or to me, Mandi, you would definitely then be looked at as, oh, would they work in our coop? Maybe there’s someone we would wanna add to our coop. And and so you never know the people that you meet, where they can propel you to be. But if you say no because you’ve gotta get math in that day, just be willing to sacrifice. You know, do your what was it? The minimum viable day.

Pam Barnhill [00:26:42]:
Yes.

Mandi McArthur [00:26:42]:
Pam, yes. I love that episode. Be willing to do the most minimal thing that day so you can go out and make those connections, and you’ll truly live your best life by making these friendships. And even on a Facebook homeschool group, I just moved to Texas. Right? So I’m starting from scratch. At my church, there were homeschool families. So right away, we’re spending all day after church at their house, like, connecting immediately. And then Facebook group, I go in, I look for Texas homeschoolers, found numerous co ops, and now I’m part of a 86 family co op, and my kids are slowly navigating and finding their way.

Mandi McArthur [00:27:24]:
I’ve made friends. I organized the mom’s night outs because I’m like, I wanna homeschool mom friends, so I’m doing mom night outs. And so it’s really truly connecting with people and investing, serving, volunteering, putting in whatever you can because you will get it out.

Pam Barnhill [00:27:43]:
Yeah. I think that’s one of the biggest things that you’ve got to be willing to do a little bit of the legwork. I mean, it is a huge network. So, you know, once you tap into the right person and it’s so funny because, like, we have just a very small group of homeschoolers at our church, and surprisingly, a lot of us have, like, older kids. We have a very strong team contingent. And there is one lady, man, if I wanna know what’s going on in the local homeschooling world, Pam is not the person you come and talk to. You know, you go and talk to miss McCormick. That is the lady you go talk to, and she can tell you exactly everything that’s going on.

Pam Barnhill [00:28:18]:
So if you can just find your miss McCormick, and you’re gonna know exactly how to meet up with people and get up with people. But, yeah, it does take a little bit of effort, and it pays huge dividends. And you might worry, like, oh, what do you mean give up the math lesson? Like, you do that for a season so that you can make those connections and find those people and build that community. And then, you know, that may take a couple of months, and then you back off a little bit and say, okay. We’re gonna prioritize math again.

Jessica Solis Carpinelli [00:28:49]:
Mhmm.

Pam Barnhill [00:28:50]:
But now we have all these connections. We built this web of people that we can say, hey. Let’s go to the park after math.

Mandi McArthur [00:28:56]:
Exactly.

Pam Barnhill [00:28:57]:
Yeah. So what are some of the unexpected benefits of homeschooling that you’ve discovered either through your own experiences or through research? Maybe something that somebody wouldn’t think about who’s hesitant to homeschool.

Mandi McArthur [00:29:11]:
If you have more than one child, the sibling relationship I grew up being apart from my sibling all day long. And so we didn’t really truly connect until we were adults, to be honest. We didn’t see each other, and we are in different sports and different activities. And so what I have noticed that I I mean, I didn’t grow up in the homeschooling world. I was traditionally schooled all my life and thrived and loved it and everything. But I did not realize how close my kids are. They’re helping each other with each other’s work. They’re celebrating their milestones.

Mandi McArthur [00:29:40]:
Oh, Maisie learned her hundredth word of spelling. You know? And and they’re celebrating together. They’re teaching each other, and they’re playing together. And that bond, I did not foresee. I I didn’t even think about. And because they’re not spending the day apart from each other.

Pam Barnhill [00:29:58]:
Yeah. And they never fight. Right?

Mandi McArthur [00:30:00]:
Right. Yeah. Yeah. So they they still pair off in different ways, and we all have our selfish moments. And and I don’t know that would they would actually call each other their best friend, but they truly are Yeah. Friends to each other.

Pam Barnhill [00:30:14]:
Yeah. I and it’s so funny because I’ve got, like, two and then one, and they do what all kids do when you get three kids together. You have two and then one.

Mandi McArthur [00:30:24]:
Exactly. I know.

Pam Barnhill [00:30:26]:
What about you, Jessica? What benefits?

Jessica Solis Carpinelli [00:30:28]:
You know, my husband and I, because we had experienced homeschooling and then grew up with even more homeschooled friends, you know, they only had experienced homeschooling their entire lives and their families. And so we’re still friends with those people today, which informed a lot of our expectations going into homeschooling our own children. We always knew that that would be our plan. Nothing about homeschooling has really been that shocking, but I do have to say one of the benefits I was looking forward to was navigating that freedom of time my kids would have and being able to allow them to find their interest. But it was so surprising to me what that would actually look like in practice because I was late to homeschooling, so my time was already managed. It was already set every other places. I hadn’t seen what it was like for a younger kid who didn’t have as many responsibilities. And my daughter’s 13.

Jessica Solis Carpinelli [00:31:20]:
She dances ten to twelve hours a week. She puts on three shows every year. She plays piano, you know, has a private lesson and practices every day. And she’s in our co op and is in several clubs that take a lot of her time as well as her own academic work. But she wrote a novel last year. You know, this kid had the time to devote to planning, prepping, working on, editing, getting feedback from people, a whole novel, and people were so impressed and shocked that she was able to do that. And then I realized, well, that’s the life I set up for her. I didn’t know she was gonna wanna be an author or want to do that.

Jessica Solis Carpinelli [00:32:01]:
I don’t know if she’ll ever write another book. But this was the life that I had been trying to build for these kids, which is to be able to pursue their own interests without having to sacrifice other things. They have the time. It was built into our homeschool day for her to work on her writing. And my son’s only seven, so I don’t know what he’ll find super interesting yet. But he’ll find his own thing, and I think that that’s one of the most beautiful benefits we’ve seen play out in real life so far.

Pam Barnhill [00:32:30]:
I love it so much. And we’ve gotta get our daughters together because pianist, dancer, novelist. Yes. Yes. And, you know, they’re just not doing hours of homework, and so they do have that time to devote to those interests so much so. Okay. I really do wanna get to the next question. You have somebody, and part of their hesitation to homeschool is the fact that there is resistance or skepticism in their family or maybe even from some of their friends.

Pam Barnhill [00:33:00]:
And I know this comes up even for members of our community. This was one of the things we said, hey. What would you like for us to do a podcast about? And they’re like, this idea that I feel like I constantly have to explain myself to my family. Talk a little bit about that. What can you say to reassure that person? Yeah.

Jessica Solis Carpinelli [00:33:17]:
That one is a really hard one because I think our first instinct is to be defensive. Anytime someone attacks some choice that we make for our kids, the mama bear wants to come out. And so we really have to work to temper our defensiveness and remember that people are asking or questioning our homeschooling choice for different reasons, and it could be they don’t have a lot of experience with the lifestyle. And we also have to go into it knowing we’re really not gonna change everyone’s mind. So for us, we just have to really be able to take that deep breath and a step back right away.

Mandi McArthur [00:33:50]:
Jessica wrote a really good she wrote the chapter on that on our book. And what I loved what she did with that is she said, like you briefly mentioned, decipher the root reason. Are they truly curious? Are they truly resistant? So sometimes our curiosity sounds like resistance and skepticism. It sounds that way, but they’re just kind of incredulous. Like, how does this happen? And and if we can put off the defensiveness and see them with a charitable read, know that, like, oh, they don’t have the information, and that’s part of why the book it’s like, give this book to them too as part of your conversation. But it’s like, I had a friend or a family friend do that, say, well, how are your kids gonna be socialized? Back to that question. Right? And I was like, wait. Are you asking do they have friends, or are you asking can they conform to the norm? Like, what do you wanna know? And she’s like, oh, like, how do you make friends? And I was like, oh, so much fun.

Mandi McArthur [00:34:50]:
I have such a fun way of we make friends through our co op and this and this and this. And then it was a nice discussion, but a lot of it comes from just they don’t even know what question they’re asking.

Jessica Solis Carpinelli [00:35:01]:
No.

Mandi McArthur [00:35:01]:
And then Right. If we’re on if we’re defensive, we we think they’re asking a question that they’re actually not, and then it can we’re we’re talking past each other. Right? And so it’s using the communication skills that we’re teaching our own kids to validate and be like, yeah. It is hard, and I do have to put more work into this. Yeah. Sometimes I don’t feel equipped, but I have a community about me and books to help me just like everybody has a first day on their job. They don’t know their job, and and and they have to figure it out. So, there’s a lot of good techniques that Jessica put in that chapter that I think are really helpful.

Pam Barnhill [00:35:39]:
I love it so much. I love getting to the root of that question. And realizing that a lot of times, especially from people like grandparents or aunts and uncles, these questions are not coming from a place of confrontation, but a place of love and concern for the child. You know?

Jessica Solis Carpinelli [00:35:54]:
Exactly. Yeah. And I think at the end of the day, there you some people will encounter others who just won’t ever come around to homeschooling. And so, you know, I think that those are the more extreme. But if that’s your mother-in-law, for instance, that can be a really difficult thing to navigate within the family dynamic, and you just have to really figure out how you’re gonna respond to that person and and set up a boundary for discussing homeschooling and make sure that your family agrees. So having somebody who’s very negative about homeschooling in your life can be truly a challenge, and you just have to navigate it the best way possible. But I think for the most part, it’s just about letting people in on what homeschooling is really like and inviting them into the lifestyle and seeing it.

Pam Barnhill [00:36:39]:
Yeah. I love that about putting up a boundary. And, you know, if it’s your mother-in-law, then the husband, you know, it’s like, okay.

Mandi McArthur [00:36:46]:
Yeah.

Pam Barnhill [00:36:47]:
We’re gonna we’re gonna set up some boundaries here. You’re gonna be a big part of this. Yes. But, also, so many families, I’ve heard stories of, like, you know, whether it was her parents or his parents who were very concerned about this. Once they saw the fruit of the homeschooling, then everything started to change. And so you’ve heard so many stories about that. So sometimes just a little of that superhuman patience that you have because you’re a homeschool mom, you know, you can use that on the in laws as well. So

Mandi McArthur [00:37:17]:
Exactly. Yeah. And, you know, if you feel like you have to prove it to someone first, like, let’s say it’s your spouse you have to prove it to, you could even offer to use a month during the summer and say, hey. Let’s let’s see what we can do for this month and and see how you feel about it after. And and find alternative ways to to show the fruit if you can’t do it during the school year or they’re not allowing their school their child to be pulled from school.

Pam Barnhill [00:37:44]:
Yeah. And there’s never anything wrong with the, well, let’s see what this year brings. You

Mandi McArthur [00:37:49]:
know? Exactly.

Pam Barnhill [00:37:50]:
That approach as well. Okay. Last question. For parents who are transitioning from traditional schooling to homeschooling, what is, like, the biggest key adjustment you think that they need to be prepared to make?

Mandi McArthur [00:38:04]:
I mean, I would say it comes from you if you’re in traditional school, everything is laid out for you and structured for you, and now you’re going to unlimited freedom, basically. And so that can be feel chaotic. I mean, it’s like when we first have a baby, and I’m like, what do I do with this kid all day? You know? It was so easy for me to leave to go to work and then know that my husband, he’s gonna take care of it because he was in school and I was working. And and I would come home. I’m like, okay. I have four hours till bedtime. What do I do? And it and it’s very anxiety producing.

Jessica Solis Carpinelli [00:38:38]:
Yeah.

Mandi McArthur [00:38:39]:
So that’s probably the biggest adjustment is figuring out, okay, what does our family want for this time and setting a tone for that, coming up with your intentions or your mission because that will help you be intentional. If if it’s about connection and fun, do some things that are connecting and fun. But and and find that structure that works for your child and for you. It it has to serve the family and not just the child and not just you. So to me, that that I experienced that when I first started having children at that anxiety of what do I do all day. And so yeah.

Pam Barnhill [00:39:16]:
I love that. Yeah. Jessica?

Jessica Solis Carpinelli [00:39:19]:
So coming from traditional school at first, there’s a lot of expectation of what the academic day would look like. Just like Mandi said, there was a lot of structure. So as the parent, there’s a lot of anxiety of what do I do, how do I fill the day. And then for a child, there’s also they’re used to school looking a certain way. So if they’re coming from traditional school as a child into homeschooling, there’s that tradition there’s that mindset of, okay. We have to do this at this time and this you know? And things are in their little boxes in their categories, and things can be a lot more fluid, a lot more free flowing, and even the child’s gonna have some getting used to that. And I think being able to make a plan together will help that adjustment. So the parent and child being able to say, what do you see your morning looking like? What do you wanna do together in the morning? You know? How long before you think you need a little break? Because maybe they need a break more often that they were than they were getting in the traditional school.

Jessica Solis Carpinelli [00:40:19]:
You know? And I think we have ways of really adjusting and making that flexible because it it can be pretty rigid at times, and even a child, I think, can really struggle with too much open endedness. And so having some structure to help get through that transitional phase is really helpful before homeschooling can really be whatever it is that you want it to be in the future.

Mandi McArthur [00:40:43]:
I think you’re describing, like, deschooling your kids. You know? Just just kind of stepping away and being like, we don’t have to look like the traditional school. We can do a field trip every Wednesday. We could do bedtime education where that’s when we talk about character development. Is that bedtime? Or and it’s it’s really stepping away and getting your priorities set.

Pam Barnhill [00:41:04]:
Yeah. I love that. Yeah. And we always tell people start with your vision. What is it you want education to look like in your home? I do think one of the biggest adjustments, if if I had to answer this question, would be, oh my goodness. They’ve been gone seven and a half hours a day. Oh. I used to go to school seven and a half hours a day, and this took us like, it’s me and this six year old, this took us, like, an hour and a half, you know.

Mandi McArthur [00:41:29]:
Yeah.

Pam Barnhill [00:41:30]:
They feel like, what are we supposed to do with the rest of the time? And the answer is nothing academic, You know? Now is your time to learn and play on your own and read books and, you know, play with toys and go outside and that kind of stuff. But, no, it is not going to take you that many hours a day with, you know, one seven year old or even, you know, it doesn’t take a seven and a half hours a day with two teenagers. It doesn’t. And not only does it not take that long, it’s okay. It’s perfectly normal that it doesn’t take that long. You’re no longer in public school. You’re homeschooling. Totally different animal.

Mandi McArthur [00:42:08]:
It was so great. I was about to I started going to homeschool conferences at when my child was, like, age one years old, and I’m building up to this. And, my child’s now four, and I’m I’m starting. And I go to my friend who works at a curriculum publisher. And and I said and she’s she was a teacher for years and years. And I said, okay.

Jessica Solis Carpinelli [00:42:27]:
What do

Mandi McArthur [00:42:27]:
you think my kid needs? What curriculum? What what do I do? You know? I don’t even know how to start and all that. And she’s like, really? Up until third grade, all you need is probably one sheet of paper. Like and do you do you hear that from, you you know, a classroom teacher, someone who now, you know, publishes curriculum? She’s like, you really just need one sheet of paper. And and it just really reduced the whole thing to, oh, yeah. This is about talking and being with my kid and enjoying my kid, being present with them, and and learning with them and delighting in the process with them.

Pam Barnhill [00:43:03]:
Yeah. That is absolutely right. So right. Well, ladies, thank you so much for joining me here today. I love the book Hesitant to Homeschool, answers to 20 common questions, and you can find this on Amazon and all the regular places. We’ll link to it. And it’s just a great read for anybody who’s thinking about homeschooling and how do I get all these questions answered. And these ladies have provided a wonderful resource for that.

Pam Barnhill [00:43:29]:
And also great resource for any homeschool coop or support group or something like that to have on hand as well. So thanks. Thanks so much.

Jessica Solis Carpinelli [00:43:38]:
And Thank you, Pam.

Pam Barnhill [00:43:40]:
One of you guys tell us where can we find you online?

Mandi McArthur [00:43:43]:
At the coophomeschool.com. So the c00phomeschool.com.

Pam Barnhill [00:43:49]:
Perfect. Alright. Thank you. Thank you. That’s our show for today. Be sure to follow, subscribe, and leave a review so you never miss out on the wonder of homeschooling better together. To stay connected and learn even more about the homeschooling better together resources and to join our free community, visit hsbtpodcast.com. Until next week, keep stepping out of the overwhelm and into the wonder.