I know you mean well.

When I published my post on homeschool consistency I got quite a few responses. There were people who thanked me for writing the post, talking about how much it helped them (which was my intent).

Words some homeschool moms need to hear

There were a few who condemned the need for me to write the post in the first place — sadly there will always be those people. The ones who have it all together and think everyone else should too.

And then there was the group that surprised me (though they probably shouldn’t have). You shouldn’t have written this post they said. You are going to discourage moms they said.

You should tell moms that they are enough for their children.

You should tell moms to relax that homeschooling is all about flexibility.

You should tell moms that it is all going to work out ok in the end.

And my thought was, no I shouldn’t. I shouldn’t tell moms that at all because those words just aren’t helpful.

Two groups of homeschool moms

Then I realized that we are talking past each other. There are two (for the purpose of this post) groups out there. There is the group that needs to hear the words “you are enough.” Those words keep them going, make them feel stronger, and lift them up so they don’t get down on themselves.

There is also another group of moms. The moms like me.

Those words don’t help us at all. We see them as patronizing, condescending, disingenuous. Those words depress us and make us feel like we will never get things right.

We are idealists, perfectionists, and type-A moms.

We have a grand vision of what we want learning and education to look like in our home.

We know we want more than just checking the boxes even if we are not always quite sure what more is.

We want passionately to do the best job we can with this vocation we have been called to do.

We always want to do better than what we are doing. This doesn’t depress us. It feeds us.

We sometimes get stalled out in all of that idealism. We have so much desire and expectation that the perfect becomes the enemy of the good, and we have trouble getting started.

We need people to stop telling us that this is the wrong way to feel, because that isn’t helping one bit.

We need to be told that our consistency stinks but we can do better.

Our needs aren’t being met

Most of the support writing out there for homeschool moms falls into the “you are enough” category.

Maybe it is because that group is larger in number. Maybe it is because the kinds of moms who like to hear those things are the ones doing most of the writing. Maybe it is because the group that needs to hear those words are the most vocal in their need. I don’t know.

Sure idealist moms read some of the “you are enough” books and take what they can from them, but they often feel alone.

They feel like most of the homeschool support world just doesn’t get exactly what is eating at them. Or how to help them.

So if my words made you feel bad, I apologize. I would be happy to point you towards some other bloggers or books that will give you exactly what you need and there is no reason we can’t still be friends.

On the other hand, if my post lit a fire under you, gave you hope, or made you feel empowered then you are in the right place.

I’m committed to writing posts that will help you. I’m committed to providing the kind of support you need to make the lasting change you want to make in your homeschool.

You can do this. I’ve got confidence in you. (<—- some helpful words, right?)

P.S. – If you want to sign up to get more posts like this one, you can do that here.

Pam Barnhill

Pam Barnhill

Pam is the author of The Your Morning Basket Guide and Plan Your Year: Homeschool Planning for Purpose and Peace. She also is the host of three popular  podcasts -- The Homeschool Snapshots Podcast, Your Morning Basket, and The Homeschool Solutions Show. She lives in the Deep South with her husband and three kids, where she is the go-to lady for great curriculum recommendations or a just a pep talk on a rough day.
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