Homeschooling Through The Hardest Year Ever

Pam: Are you ready for homeschooling to feel joyful again?

Do you long for support as you learn alongside your kids?

Welcome to Homeschool Better Together,

a podcast about building a homeschool experience that works for your family.

I’m Pam Barnhill, and it’s time to step out of the overwhelm and in to the wonder.

Let’s do this.

Karissa Martin is a homeschooling mom of—

Pam: Four,

ages 4 to 14, and she has been on this homeschooling journey since the very beginning, starting when her oldest was in preschool.

Through many moves, life changes, and challenging seasons, one thing has remained constant.

God’s faithful provision. He has given her the strength, patience, and endurance to keep showing up and pursuing the calling to home educate her children,

even when the road hasn’t been easy.

Karissa, welcome to the podcast.

Karissa: Thank you for having me today.

Pam: Oh, thank you so much for being here. I really appreciate you coming on and sharing your story.

When I reached out, you mentioned that you had gone through a number of different hardships and you thought that your story could really be helpful to some other people, and I agreed.

And I’m just so glad that you’re willing to come on and. And share with us. I know it’s been a difficult year in lots of ways.

When you think about everything that you faced this year, what’s helped you to keep moving forward in your homeschool?

Karissa: I think without a doubt,

God has called me to this journey. And even on the hard days when I don’t feel good enough, keeping my trust in him has truly been what’s kept me hanging on and able to keep moving forward.

It’s definitely been like one day at a time process most of the time while trying to navigate the hardships.

But, yeah, keeping my trust in God has definitely been what has helped me hang on the most.

Pam: Yeah, knowing that if you show up and be faithful, he’s gonna. He’s gonna take that and multiply it for sure. Even, like,

even on the good days, it feels like that’s what I have to do. So I totally get that. We’ve been navigating quite a bit of emotional, physical, and financial challenges.

How have you found, you know, how have you found ways to keep showing up for your kids during all of that?

Karissa: I feel like there’s. There’s a lot of days where I feel like I fall short here in this area,

but I mean,

up in all the ways I’d like to, when I feel like I have nothing left to give at the end of the day,

But I make it a priority to do what I can. I always try to show up for my oldest for his soccer games,

even when I am absolutely exhausted, because I always want to be there for him and show that I care and be encouraging.

I. My oldest daughter loves art like me, so I try to be super encouraging for her and do artsy, crafty things with her,

even if it feels like we should be doing maybe some more book work.

But I think taking the time to do those things that interest them and show up for their passions is a way that I can show up for them.

And another big thing is our family time.

Like, we always try to do family things all together. Even if it’s just going for walks,

board game nights on Fridays, or watching movies together, we always want to end our week, start our week with family time.

That way we stay feeling united together.

Pam: Love that. I love this, the bookending, the starting and the ending with family time so much. And I think that’s sometimes I feel like fortunate if I get in like one touch point during the week, like one game night or one thing.

But I really love the idea of bookending the week with something to start and something to end.

Well, I know one of the things that you’ve done this year is your grandfather. You’ve had to care for him and so he was sick. Tell us a little bit about that, what you’d like to share and how did you manage.

Kind of, you’re in this sandwich generation, even though it was grandpa and not a parent, but you’re in this sandwich generation of you have this older relative that you’re caring for and that you have a responsibility for.

And then you also have these kids that you’re trying to homeschool. So tell us a little bit about that.

Karissa: Well,

he was diagnosed with Parkinson’s.

My grandma and grandpa definitely kept it very quiet for a long time.

Tried to kind of be in denial of things and how bad it was until September.

He had a very bad call where he was stuck for 16 hours on his arm.

And it resulted in a very long hospital stay.

And my mom ended up sick with COVID So she was a couple towns away and unable to come be there for him. And my grandma was really struggling and not really able to be there for him.

So I kind of had to be there at the hospital every day to be eyes and ears of what was going on for my mom to keep.

To keep her steady and just to be there for him because he was really struggling.

And then he transitioned to a rehab facility and Again, it was going and trying to encourage almost daily, at least a couple times a week because it was a count over to be with him and my grandma.

And things just never got better. He ended up Christmas Eve being back in the hospital and by New Year’s Eve on hospice,

he made that decision.

So a few days later he was home with Jesus.

But through all that,

I tried to continue homeschooling and yeah, I don’t know how we got through that. I know by the grace of God, honestly.

Pam: Yeah. So you were spending quite a bit of your days,

you know, in the hospital or at, you know, at the rehab center, driving back and forth things, things of that nature.

So during that time, what was homeschooling looking like?

Karissa: It was a lot of.

I would get up really early, do all my preschool kindergarten with my youngest, and then it would be done for the day because I knew if we didn’t, it was not happening in the evening.

And I would try to get my older two set up with their independent work,

what they could get done.

And they would do that while I was gone.

And then whatever they needed help with, I would help them with when I got back. Sometimes that would be at like 9 o’ clock at night. We would be editing a paper that was due the next day for their co op because they can go to a co op for their language arts.

There were a lot of late nights.

Pam: But so just as you could, you know, doing, doing whatever it was that you could in a. In around the edges.

So this happened in September and it was completely you to have to deal with this.

So was there anything that you had done ahead of time that helped to make this easier?

Karissa: Definitely. The homeschooling on autopilot course definitely helped me get organized and I had a plan laid out for our year. I knew what we were doing, I knew the lessons we needed to get through.

I already had everything kind of laid out, so I didn’t have that like decision fatigue of oh no, I got to figure out now what we’re doing after Christmas break or after spring break like I normally would because I would only plan like little segments of my year.

Pam: So this was the first time you had planned like the whole year at one time, right?

Karissa: Yeah.

Pam: Was that daunting?

Karissa: In the beginning it was. But then once summer was done and I realized I had everything laid out,

it was like that overwhelm of what are we going to do was gone. It was just, okay, now we just got to do it.

And it’s still obviously overwhelming, but.

Yeah,

but Having it organized and knowing what we were doing and why we were doing just felt a little less overwhelming. Even with all the overwhelming things going on in life,

that definitely happened.

Pam: Okay, so there are a lot of people who would hear you say that, who would hear you say, okay, well, I planned out my entire year. And it’s so interesting that this was the first time you’d ever done this.

And then you just had the craziest year ever. Probably the craziest year ever in homeschooling. Right?

Karissa: Yeah.

Pam: Um,

and so that’s kind of interesting. We’re just going to leave that one out there on the table a little bit for people to make of it what they will.

But a lot of people would say, well, you planned your entire year out, and then in September,

you ended up spending almost every day in the hospital. How was that even helpful?

So what was it about the process of how you planned that actually made it something you could continue to do even when you weren’t doing what you thought you were going to do?

Karissa: I think the way I planned it wasn’t like,

this is what you have to do on this day,

and if you don’t get it done on this day, you’re behind. It was just, these are the things we need to do throughout the year,

and this is what we want to get done.

So we would just take it step by step and do the next thing.

So we never felt like we were behind. It was just do the next thing.

Right.

That’s just how I laid it out. Because anytime I’ve ever tried to make a schedule for myself where it was like, this is what we do on this day. This is what we do on this day.

Inevitably, I would be a million days behind and feel like a failure.

So just laying out my schedule in a way that works,

that I was working with my own brain and would work for me, work for us,

which happened to really work for how our year was going to go.

End up helping a lot more and consequently also being involved with our co ops too,

that we signed up for this year. My older two are a part of a Just for middle and high school Kids co op that does their language arts course just strictly through them.

So having that outsourced also took a huge burden off of me.

So that helped a lot too.

I still have. Throughout the week, they have an assignment. They have assignments they have to do turn in,

but then they’re also taught and helped there.

So it’s. I’m not completely alone on that one for that.

Pam: I love it.

I Will tell you that, I mean, that is that feeling of, oh my gosh, we’re behind, oh my gosh, you know, and I always took the oh my gosh, we’re behind.

It’s like, oh my gosh, you’re failing.

I mean, that’s, that’s kind of how I felt it inside of me. And so that was why it was really important for me to like lay out autopilot in a way that when you, you know, you need something to do.

Right. Because if you didn’t have anything to do when all of the, the sickness had hit and you had been pulled in so many different directions and distracted,

the chance that you would have come up with something to do,

probably pretty slim, right? So you needed to have something planned to do,

but it’s so important to do it in such a way that it is just do the next thing. It’s sitting there waiting for you so that, you know, you don’t feel behind if you have to miss a few days or even a couple of weeks because things just get absolutely crazy.

That was one of the reasons why it wasn’t so, so important for me to like plan that way because I always took it and I was like, you’re such a failure.

You’re not doing this like you’re supposed to be doing it. You’re not following the plan that you set up. And you know what? It’s okay that I don’t follow the plan that I set up because stuff is going to happen, you know.

Karissa: Yeah.

I think my. One of my absolute favorite things about the autopilot course was the homeschool vision.

Because writing that out and then having it posted in my dining room where we mostly do our schooling and being able to read that, especially when I start to feel like I’m losing sight of why we’re doing what we’re doing or feeling that burnout again.

I can just read that and then it just brings me back to why we’re doing what we’re doing.

So if you don’t mind, I’d like to read my homeschool vision.

Pam: I would love for you to read it. Yeah, that’d be great.

Karissa: In our homeschool, we strive to pursue and learn about individual interests while practicing basic skills such as math, reading, writing. With consistency that leads to mastery and understanding, we will have a relaxed and encouraging learning environment.

We will choose and read good books together with plenty of time for discussion. In our homeschool, we refuse to be dictated by man made timelines. We allow each student to work and Learn at their own pace and ability without being rushed.

And then I end it with a quote in a Bible verse.

Tell me and I forget. Teach me and I may remember. Involve me and I learn. Benjamin Franklin.

And I will instruct you and teach you in the ways you go. I will counsel you with my eye upon you. Numbers 16:26.

Pam: I love it. And it’s when your year got chaotic,

then,

you know, it’s like there are a million things I could be doing,

but if I’m just doing the things right here.

That’s at the heart of why I’m homeschooling.

I love that so much.

Well, you mentioned burnout.

How do you recognize burnout?

And other than reading your vision, is there anything else you do when you notice it start to creep in?

Karissa: Well, I don’t think I’m super great at noticing it creep in as much as when it finally just hit and I kind of break down. But when I do realize that I am in that burnout state,

I take the time to open up and talk to my husband about it and communicate. And usually I’ll cry on him for a while,

let out all those emotions and feelings.

And then we talk about ways to help me feel less overwhelmed and less stressed out about everything around me, like what he can do, what the kids can do,

what we can do to make things feel more functional.

And we just start chipping away at things and get back on track.

And also,

me personally, taking a little bit of time to do things that I like to do,

even if it’s just a little bit at a time.

I love art, so I’ll take time to draw or working out in my garden.

That feels therapeutic.

So doing things that bring me that restful,

restorative feeling.

Pam: I love much that you ask for help, you know, because that’s something that happens a lot of the time, is we don’t want to ask for help.

And I love that you do that and you let him help you. I know that’s a place where I’ve struggled before, and my husband will look at me and he’ll be like, okay, you’re the only one putting pressure on you.

Karissa: It’s definitely been a really hard thing for me in my adulthood, learning that it’s okay to ask for help.

Pam: Yes.

Karissa: I’ve been in therapy a lot this year, and that’s definitely been a big one that I have been learning that it’s okay.

You’re not a failure when you ask for help,

and you need to. You’re not meant to do everything Alone.

Pam: So there are other homeschool moms out there who are caring for parents who are aging or other aging relatives. Do you have any encouragement or practical tips to give them? Anything that you learned, part of the process that you would want to share, especially as it relates to homeschooling?

Karissa: I think for me, a big thing that I learned was it’s not.

I mean, while the academics is very important for our kids,

going through something like this with a parent or a relative is a huge learning opportunity, and it’s felt for our children.

My kids were walking alongside me as I was dealing with this with my grandpa and grieving and struggling, and they were able to come alongside me and offer compassion and learn how to do that like they were.

They would help a little more around the house because they knew how much I was having to go to the hospital, and they would complain a little less when doing their homework because they knew that I was overwhelmed and struggling with my own emotions.

I think that was a big life lesson for them, too. Just learning how to come together as a family so that time isn’t wasted.

It is just as much of a good learning opportunity for the whole family and that time with your loved one also.

Pam: So you mentioned to me it might sound really hard, like,

despite everything that was going on, exhausting, that your kids are getting a really great education this year. I wouldn’t trade that. And talk to us a little bit about. Because I know something like this happens that just pulls so much of your focus.

And even if it made your energy and you feel like you’re. You’re thrown into a situation beyond your control where you’re just having to do the best you can,

and then you come out on the other side of it. Talk to us about what it looks like now. Do you feel like.

How do you feel like your kids came out of that?

I know you mentioned earlier, like, they learned so many fabulous lessons from that, so many important lessons.

But let’s talk about the academics and education for a minute.

How do you feel like they came out the other side?

Karissa: Funny enough, I feel like this year educationally has been one of the biggest growths they’ve had in a minute in the last couple years. Honestly, since we moved here to the town we’re in right now in 2021.

But this has just been one of our best years. Homeschooling, strangely, even with all the stuff that’s been going on.

Yeah, they’ve had great growth and are doing really well by the grace of God.

Pam: Well, and I know when when people are in the middle of a situation, whether that be, you know, caring for, you know, a relative or a new baby or just the upheaval of a move or, or, you know, a medical emergency within the family, sometimes even with the kids,

everybody feels like, oh my gosh, this,

this is just the worst thing ever for my homeschool.

And we’re, we’re never going to be able to recover from this. They’re going to be so far behind.

But I hear it time and time again when people come out on the other side, that they bounce back, you know,

and that they are not as far behind as what people feel like they would have been, you know?

Karissa: Yeah. Yeah. And we’ve had tremendous support through our co op,

through our family members.

My mother in law, my wonderful mother in law who lives with us in a mother in law attachment off of our house,

she has been available to watch my little ones when my older ones can stay at the house and do their homework. She’d watch the littles whenever I’ve had to.

When I would have to run to the hospital or be there for my grandparents or be there to help clean out and pack up their house. Before my grandma sold her house and moved in with my mom after he passed, that was like a whole month of stuff.

And now I’m working part time. So she watches them help with our financial struggles.

She’s just been instrumental in helping,

like,

I don’t know what we do without her friends too.

Pam: But what does she ever get to. Does she ever help you with any of the homeschooling or is that still with my kindergartner?

Karissa: Occasionally I’ll send a couple of his worksheets to do over there. But I try not to put too much of that pressure on her.

But just for fun, because he still finds it fun to do school,

especially math. So I’ll send his math over to do with her.

Pam: Oh, that’s awesome. Yeah, that’s awesome.

So what encouragement would you give to other moms who might be kind of. We gave some practical tips. What encouragement would you give to.

To moms who might be caring for a parent or a grandparent and trying to homeschool?

Karissa: I would say at the end of the day,

do the best you can get through,

you know, the school stuff we could do.

But don’t put so much pressure on yourself that you feel like you’re failing because you’re not. You were doing important work.

Caring for family.

That is a huge part of life and a good life lesson for our kids to Learn, too, because one day they will have families.

And we want them to know that they did care for their families, too.

I think a big thing that is missed in a lot of society now that caring for our family members and our elderly family members,

that’s really important,

and we don’t want them to forget that.

That. That compassion is a huge lesson.

Pam: Yeah. I mean, not only did they learn that compassion for you as you were,

you know, as they were compassionate towards you with your work and things like that when you would come home or doing their homework or helping out with chores and stuff, but they also learned that about caring for family members as well.

So it was kind of a double lesson, you know, there.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Karissa: Don’t be afraid to ask help.

That too.

That’s an important one because we can’t do it all.

Reach out to your homeschooling community,

I think, has been a big one, too. I always thought, you know, I don’t have a village.

I won’t ever have that village around me.

But this last year and a half, two years,

God has brought a wonderful homeschooling community to us, and we have made wonderful friends that have just kind of become like extended family. And they care for our kids, and they will pick them up and take them to classes or pick them up from soccer when I can’t, and have just been a huge blessing to us,

too.

And it’s important to reach out and ask for help because if we don’t say anything, they won’t know.

Pam: Yeah.

Karissa: So I love that feeling. You’ll be surprised how willing and happily people want to help. Be there for each other.

Pam: I love that so much. And you found your village, so it’s awesome. Yeah. I hear this. It’s a constant refrain in what I hear you talking about. Just the. The. The people who really have stepped up to help and.

And you being willing to let people do that.

And I think. I think that’s such a valuable, Valuable thing for so many other moms to hear.

I don’t have to do it all myself. There are people who want to help, and they will do that if I just open up the space for them to do it.

Karissa: Yeah.

About a week before I saw your email asking for stories,

I was at church and I heard one of the worship songs was being sung,

and I kept hearing the chorus saying,

lord, take what the enemy has meant for evil and turn it for good.

And this past year has just had so much heartache and hardship and grief,

and not only with my grandpa, but I had to put down a boundary with my dad,

chose to be in his addiction,

and I haven’t spoken to him in a year. And it’s been very hard.

And he divorced my stepmom of 19 years, and I’m still very, very, very close to her, thankfully.

But it’s just. There’s been a lot of evil,

a lot of hardship and darkness. But I’ve just been praying, God, please take all this that was meant for evil, meant for bad, and turn it into something good. Help me turn it into something good that can help somebody.

Because otherwise, what was the point of going through all this hard stuff if I can’t do something good for you?

And then I saw your email and I was like, I feel like I need to reach out and share,

even if it just helps a couple people.

Yeah. That we can still do this homeschool thing. We could still get through life and thrive even when it feels really hard.

Pam: I love it. That’s a very powerful message and thank you so much for coming on to share it. And I’m just going to add a note here.

We have had the hardest time getting this episode recorded.

We have had reschedulings. We have had tornadoes. We have had Internet go out in the middle of the podcast.

We really do feel like something is trying to keep this message from getting out. So we’re going to keep trying to turn that evil for good.

Thank you so much, Karissa. I appreciate it.

Karissa: Thank you.

Pam: That’s our show for today.

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visit hsbtpodcast.com until next week. Keep stepping out of the overwhelm and into the wonder.